Today I would like to talk about something that I have been dealing with. Something that has recently come to my attention. It all started after my husband and I first separated. I was so confused as to why I was so devastated. Like I said before, I knew that it was coming. I could feel it. He was becoming more distant from our family each day. So when he left, I was genuinely surprised that I had the reaction that I had. It felt like all of the negative feelings that I’ve ever felt in my entire my life came flooding out. I mean, it makes sense. When I would experience trauma in my life, I learned at a early age to ignore it. I would numb them with something or somebody.
For months after our separation, I felt frustrated because I couldn’t understand why I was so upset. I think it is normal to feel upset when our marriages become rocky and troubled, but there was something very abnormal about my reaction. I’ll talk about what I went through in a separate post. Now I can say that I am in a healthier place. I find myself toggling between acceptance and depression. I miss my husband very much, but I have come to the realization that I cannot control nor manipulate this situation to fit my own feelings or agenda. How did I come to this conclusion, you ask? […]